By Joseph Arens, NFMW
May 27, 2010 9:30 MST
This morning an unidentified refuse collector showed little interest in the warning signs of danger when he casually stepped over a brightly painted cement curb. Although this hazard was marked for this express purpose, the collector was not deterred.
By Joseph Arens, NFMW
May 26, 2010 4:03 MST
This reporter, upon realization that low water plants were thriving under his window, has concluded that there is a NEW window to report from. Previously, only fringe theorists had speculated a sea change, but it is now the held opinion that the lack of reports has been directly linked to a window change. This desk, being hyper local, has had considerable disorientation at the realization of a NEW local. As data and first hand accounts come in, NFMW will surely gain insight into a new found sense of self and location.
Unsubstantiated reports have come in that this new window also has a hyper local location.
By Joseph Arens, NFMW
April 8, 2010 5:31 p.m EDT
In an expression of the prototypical Noir attitude, one hyper-local male stares down at his feet. One foot flat on the ground and the other propped up against the wall which he leans against. Contemplative and cool, with his hands in his pockets, the man seems not to notice passing pedestrian activity. His demeanor is dark and shadowed, almost certainly due to a life of obligatory burden by which he gained unsettling expertise.
By Clayre Tanis-Arens
April 7, 2010 7:44 p.m EDT
After a short hiatus South of Grand Rapids, the NFMW team returned to find that Spring had officially arrived. Its arrival is welcomed and the team looks forward to the news to come.
By Clayre Tanis-Arens, NFMW
March 25, 2010 8:32 p.m EDT
A puddle of “red pop” has been discovered in the local vacant parking lot. Presumably Faygo brand soda, it is believed by local residents that the empty cans of a case of soda have a market value of $1.20 USD, enough for its holder to by something very inexpensive.
By Joseph Arens, NFMW
March 21, 2010 11:11 a.m EDT
The caution cone protecting the neighborhood from an undeveloped bit has been laid on its side. This laying down officially lowers the caution level from “Do Not Walk Here” to “Walk Here with Caution.”
By Joseph Arens, NFMW
March 17, 2010 6:39 p.m EDT
A local couple walked passed the window today in total silence. Some have speculated that their relationship is currently struggling. It could be that while they used to have vibrant and full conversations during evening walks, now they have nothing left to say. Others, however, might refute this argument saying that the twenty seconds that the couple where in view of the window is not a large enough sample size to make such a claim.
By Joseph Arens, NFMW
March 11, 2010 7:29 p.m EST
As the rain out my window turns the last snow mounds into muddy reservoirs I expected to see people running to and from cover. Yet in this first sign of warmth and life it seems people are content to arrive a bit wet. Maybe for the proof that Spring is on its way.
The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Joseph Arens.
By Clayre Tanis-Arens, NFMW
March 9, 2010 2:46 p.m EST
The parking lot that many local residents use as a convenient turn-around has seen a sharp dip in approval ratings this week. The significant drop comes with melting snow and ice, leaving residents unable to do a time-saving “180” without the consideration of serious tire damage.
By Joseph Arens, NFMW
March 3, 2010 5:52 p.m EST
Just five days after a Mazda’s hubcap lack drew questions of intentionality, the answer was presented. Upon seeing the driver’s side wheels, the NFMW desk can report that the caps are indeed intentionally removed to present a rugged rally car-like design.
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Hubcap lack intentionality in question.
By Joseph Arens, NFMW
February 28, 2010 1:29 p.m EST
Only being able to see one side of a local Mazda raises the question of whether the vehicle is supposed to be hubcap free. It is a possibility that the vehicle’s passenger side has lost both caps, and it was not the owners choice to display the rugged rally car-like design.
